What's In a Name? 2.0

...In which we discover that it is more difficult than expected to type without using your left pinky finger*.

That said, my last post was an ode to a sweet little town in southern Illinois, Olney.  We drove through a number of little towns on this trip, trying to avoid interstates (they're boring, and didn't always go where we wanted to go).  And some of them have been talking to marketers.

We've all been there; you're driving into one of those tiny, one-block-long, one traffic light villages in the middle of nowhere, and on the side of the road, there's a sign welcoming you to "Happyville (pop. 72): Home of the World's Largest Buckwheat Pancake!** As we drove, we started to collect these mottoes, because, really, some of them are just too funny to not write down. In addition to the aforementioned "Home of the White Squirrel" in Olney, there's Albion, Illinois, "Chowder Capital of the World."***  Isn't that exciting?  Or Indiana, Pennsylvania (yes, that's the name of the town), "Christmas Tree Capital of the World."  Even Iredell County, North Carolina, has a rather jazzy one: "Crossroads for the Future."  Not as thrilling as giant breakfasts or soup, but still rather inspiring.

Somewhere between Albion and Bicknell.  I love Fall.

What should be avoided is the dull slogan, such as Richmond, Indiana's "An All-American City."  Booooring.  Or the less-than-optimistic -  "Bicknell, Indiana: A Work in Progress," which, unfortunately, brings to mind a cheerful town council chorusing, "We're not as crappy as we used to be!"  Probably not what they had in mind.

I'm aware that these aren't the funniest or oddest town mottoes in the nation, just the ones we ran into on our trip.  A quick Google search reveals that we have yet to visit the Bedding Plant Capital of Connecticut**** (Cheshire), or Sparkle City† (Spartanburg, SC), or Home of the Catfish Stomp†† (Elgin, SC), or the Clogging Capital of the World (Maggie Valley, NC), or...

Honey, get the keys!  We need another road trip!



* And the reason we know that is because it turns out that vegetable peelers are perfectly capable of cutting through human flesh^.  I am now missing just a bit of my fingertip.  If I seem grouchier than usual, it's not because I'm seriously hurt (I'm certainly not), it's just that it hurts like a $%@^*&.

     ^ Which, really, makes sense.  I am significantly softer than a butternut squash.

** You think I'm kidding, don't you?  The town in upstate New York where we stayed this summer had this sign painted on a store on Main Street.

See?

*** OK, we all know I'm a New Englander, so when I hear "chowder," I do tend to think of something fish- or shellfish-based.  I sincerely hope that Albion is referring to corn chowder or something like that, because they are a long way from any significant body of water.

**** I'm not entirely sure what that means.

† Actually, we have visited that one.  But I live here, and I don't know what that means.

†† Not going to think about that one.

Your Next Vacation Destination

I believe I promised y'all* a white squirrel.

Quite recently, The Cajun and I took a road trip, combining a number of work-related jaunts into one big journey, and adding in some visits with old friends and (for me, anyway) a bit of sight-seeing.  Our first stop was in the lovely metropolis of Olney, Illinois, because part of The Cajun's ultra-glam job as an executive involves scuba diving near municipal boat ramps**.

Adventure lurks beneath.

But Olney is not just famous for its beautiful boat ramp (actually, I suspect that it's not at all famous for its boat ramp); what brings people there is the white squirrels.  Olney-ites are very proud of their squirrels, to the extent that they actually count them every October.  Personally, I counted 8 squirrels as I walked around town - only one of them was white, but he gets extra points for being on a tree right on Main Street, across the street from City Hall.

He is rather cute, isn't he?  Worth driving 1000s of miles for?  Maybe.

So Olney has a boat ramp and white squirrels.  But, wait!  There's more!  Olney is also the home of Gnomeville.  What is Gnomeville?  Well, we're not entirely sure.  It's a mysterious little area on the side of Route 130, near the golf course, that seems to have attracted a certain... specialized population.

It's Gnomeville.  What did you expect?

No official signage, no nothing.  It's just there, randomly, on the side of the road.  The Cajun found it on his last trip a year ago, and since then, it's grown from one household to four.

Population: 30 or so.

I'm not sure if I find it endearing or disturbing.  Considering how fast the place is growing, probably a little of the latter.

All kidding aside, Olney is a very nice little town with a cute downtown area, friendly inhabitants, and a courthouse that's a dead ringer for the one in the Back to the Future movies.  Book your trip now.



* I still haven't managed to say "y'all" out loud without a sense of irony.  But I'm working on it.  Promise.

** Can't tell you why; it's classified.  But if he's going to keep doing this kind of thing, I'm going to recommend that his next installation be in some place with clearer water, like the Caymans or Key Largo.  Or someplace else that isn't southeastern Illinois.

Everybody Calm Down

Some of you may have noticed that I've been rather quiet for a while.  Summer was busy, and I started to wonder if there was something too narcissistic about this blog*, or, indeed, why anyone would care about the minutiae of my daily life except very immediate family members**, and I thought seriously about shutting the whole thing down.

But then I discovered on our recent road trip that people are reading this (waving hello), and some of you are actually enjoying it!  (Which is both immensely surprising and eminently gratifying.  Thank you.)  Furthermore, I like writing.  Why should I give up something I enjoy simply because it's possible that nobody gives an armadillo's posterior about it?  And, even more importantly, if I don't continue writing here, NONE OF YOU WILL EVER KNOW ABOUT THE WORLD-FAMOUS WHITE SQUIRRELS OF OLNEY, ILLINOIS!***  And that would be a Sad Thing.

So settle in and stop worrying.  I'm back****.


* I'm aware that there are thousands of bloggers out there who don't worry about this.  At all.  But, A.) I'm an intensely private person unless you're a close friend, and B.) I haven't had a good existential crisis since college, so I'd say I'm overdue.  It's good to have them regularly.

** And maybe not even them.

*** I am also aware of the irony of this statement.  But the thought of those dear little things remaining in obscurity made me a little verklempt.

**** Besides, this gives me something to do while waiting to hear from my parents, who are, along with most of the Northeastern seaboard, out of electricity.  AGAIN.

UPDATE: Mom and Dad are fine.  The house is undamaged, and they're healthy.  Bored and a little cold, but healthy.  With luck, their power should be back on in a couple of days.